This makes any conversion on other topics nearly impossible or difficult until her anxieties about her health are addressed. So I fight. We had went there to plan for an engagement, but all she had for us was a rejection, simply because I don't own a house. A healthy relationship will feel secure no matter what. Breaking up is my last option but a considerable option because the fact that she is just not paying attention to me, everything is about her and her thoughts only. From then onwards,my girl friend got suffering from depression slowly.but I was not knowing that and she also didnt share anything to me. Maybe your girlfriend finds talking to her friend, who also has the same kind of problem, helpful in some way. But she keeps going back to him for friendship,what the eff am I for her now? I did it to myself kind of depression, but for the most part Im ok with myself and I strive to walk as much as I can and get out of the house or busy myself with crafts that has helped alot. Its gut wrenching. I myself am in a LDR with my girlfriend. When I asked her what she thinks about the future, she said it wont be happiness and that it is impossible to be happy, and that she never imagine about our relationship anymore. 6. She is in a constant state of less sad at the best of times. In cases of chronic depression, it is very common for partners to begin to feel more like caretakers than anything else. But I love her and want to help. And it can be anything, anything for the wide spectre of psychological problems or disorders. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. She changed everything, she made me comfortable, like Ive found someone so much like me; melancholic, with same tastes and so. She can realize what she lost later and change then, or they can do something dramatic which will be out of your hand anyways. This is the person who wants what you have - your charm, your wit, your success, your intelligence, your job, your partner, whatever - and because they don't think they . I dunno maybe thats just me. I feel you. My boyfriend is like this, before I met him I was very depressed, self harmed, tried taking my own life but one day I met him I felt instantly happy I never felt this, however he left me for his ex girlfriend and I felt hopeless again. I have a feeling I might just kill myself if this goes on. I have seen suicide attempts, aggression and erratic and forceful ways of keeping me locked in the house every time I threaten to leave. Its been 8 months and Im already afraid of how she might self destruct if I tried to end the relationship. I also have depression. At the end of the day, I just believe that depression was just an excuse. So it can really, truly suck when you realize your relationship is dragging you down. It bothers me a lot and Ive done all I could to understand. Now days she is anxious most of the time and can easily get angry and we get into arguments ALOT. Then to know she will react & get angry is so wrong. We had a lot of fun together and while she did have some mental health issues, it never caused too many problems. https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. I hope you found your way out and ability to stay out. Its very common, but you must break the cycle. Is it over? I have a battle on my hands, life has tried to tear me down before and I wont let it just yet..You choose to be happy, Woah that is one crazy situation both of you are dealing with. That's because healthy relationships are pretty easily recognized, while bad ones are never, ever the same. I feel for all of you guys! She struggles to make friends and has isolated herself from the world. Ive tried to think of ways to break it off that wont make her hate herself, like saying Im gay or having friends pose as drug dealers and freak her out by having them threaten me when shes around. You wish your sex like was more active, but hate being the one to initiate. I would stand everything for her, but she doesnt seem to care, and it kills me from the inside. Go with her to therapist. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. Youve managed to take care of your girlfriend and remain connected enough to yourself to come up with these questions. But I believe in him and that thought is put away. Theres a lot of pain in watching someone else you love give up on their own life, be unhappy about decisions they made and wonder why the relationship is falling apart when theyve manipulated your emotions by hurting u, breaking up with you so many times and not having anything positive to say on any problem you or they have,together or singularly. It Feels Like They Always Ask Too Much. These people are emotionally selfish they may not do it on purpose but they will take away everything that defines you and then you will be a empty shell . Ive explained my feelings in the past and she says she understands but makes no difference. I have thought about leaving, but I'm afraid it would devastate her, and I truthfully don't know that she would survive it. And at the current time, I feel stretched thin with everything going around me since everyone needs me there for them, along with being there for myself. In her weekly column, JOAN LONG, a Bishopstown psychologist and psychotherapist, answers readers' queries. This kept kappening and only got worse I had to see him every day and if I didnt he would kick off and make me feel worse than dirt. Today she told me shes ditching all her meds and is just gonna do weed therapy. Understand that put-downs are a reflection of the other person's insecurity and get support from trusted confidantes. Thanks for your testimony Ching. THAT IS PROVEN IN PSYCHOLOGY. If you're being dragged down by your partner, it could be due to cheating, or emotional abuse, or a lack of support. It almost feels as though she is in a better mood when I am down! A woman goes through a break up, she goes out, cries half the time and gets her drinks paid for all night and has her choice of a half a dozen guys fighting over her. I am a fighter so that was my reaction. When I feel she is back to her slump again I back off and do my own thing for awhile. Drag Me Down Lyrics [Verse 1: Harry] I've got fire for a heart, I'm not scared of the dark You've never seen it look so easy I got a river for a soul, and, baby, you're a boat Baby, you're my. I told her to leave him if he keeps bring her down. Life was perfect. 11 months ago I started dating my girlfriend and everything was amazing. I always stopped everything to help her, to stay hours remind her how she is incredible. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could not concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. But I really just wanted to Thank You for your post. I almost lost my identity and values. If you're being dragged down by your partner, it could be due to cheating, or emotional abuse, or a lack of support. I'm just not the same. You are an enabler when you take on others problems to the point where they become your own. The more. I want so much to help her, but I feel like I have nothing else to give. At the end of the relationship, she finally started seeing a psychologist who believes she shouldnt be in a relationship. You create your own reality. I feel trapped. Are they really trying to help themselves? I told her that i love her and i would never leave her, i forgave her cuz she lied to me, i told her that if i was with right now i would give her a hug and a kiss. I have good days and bad days. You need to be comfortable with who you are. my health is declining. Some people need to just help themselves. I try not to put pressure on her to be a certain way or accomplish a certain thing in a given day, but when the time comes when there is actually a really important thing she needs to do, and shes not able to do it, i feel i end up hurting her and not helping. Offer to help her move large pieces of furniture and boxes to her new space. She says she feels okay when she clearly doesnt, when I give her a hug during this time, she tenses up, keeps shaking her head, and really hates herself for the way she is. I feel im depressed, asking myself was actually our sexlife good becuase she was drinking, and that the person im with now has no interest in sex at all? 2. As time went on our texts started to get more and more one sided as i would ask about her day and i would help her with any problems she had, but she would always start complaining about her problems and never actually talking about mine. A. I have been through many websites reading about relationship breakdowns when a partner is depressed and the most common thing is how the non depressed partner is feeling totally drained and feel their life has gone down hill leading them down the road to depression. I Feel Helpless! To me all of these modern mental issues we see are a result of too much free time, too many choices and the conveniences we enjoy. Day in or out, shell leave me broken again, I know it, just dont know when. It takes a huge amount of love to do that. At first I was stressed about it, but later I realised that my worrying wouldnt change the situation at all. Wow. But I just dont know anymore. Method 1 Addressing It Right Now 1 Avoid reacting immediately. Having your sh$t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore. Totally agree with your comment. Am I codependent? Do something romantic. Talk, really talk openly without any criticism. I just cant take the angry outbursts then the crying then the woe is me attitude over every tiny event. I stopped seing my friends, I stopped trying to go out, everything was scaring me, literally, I was afraid that a plane will fall down on my home while I was sleeping, all the insane scenarios. And in one point of last month,she gave me a talk about how love is stupid and its just a distraction and that it doesnt last forever. Youve asked some really important questions about yourself: Am I codependent? Whats my issue? What steps can or should I take? These questions are as important as they are complicated. It's an affect that's truly worth noting. The sad thing is when these ppl start showing their age and dont have their sh$t together. Head up, somewhere we still exist and can grow back to be ourselves. Girls love that kind of crap and its not gay or anything if you do something where you express your feelings. And the woman that i am dating right now which i do hope that my relationship lasts with her since like i mentioned earlier i really do love her very much. Her issues didnt matter to me as she is a very good person, but I didnt see the whole picture. My girlfriend has jealousy along with paranoia, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and some depression. Dragged Down. I want her to be happy, and I hope you guys are luckier than me. I get it, youre both on the brink every second that goes by and it feels like thats all there is and ever will be. She has been alcoholic for 10 years. I Feel Helpless! He has put me last every time. Good luck! If signs point to your partner, it's time to make a change. (All is Hell) She hates it when I get an attitude then why does she make me get into this attitude? From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. And here's hoping you both can turn things around, and have a little more of that "good.". Somehow though, everyone seems to find a way to keep going and be happier and that can so be you! She used to threaten me and say i am depressed & mad. The way this went down was that I got very worried and stayed up all night trying to stop her, and since then it has happened multiple times. You might also want to look for a caretakers support group. Our arguments are born out of nothing, she wants me to do as she wishes and doesnt believe in personal space, family commitments, having ambitions and achievoing dreams. I did anything to help her, yet there seems to be no progress. I dont know how much you have tried already, but why not try it? Im different then most I let her know I care everyday and all day but at same time I have tons of hobbies that detract from everything. The medications side effect is sex blocking, also with her off alcohol her mind cant deal with emotions as other people, so basicly we had like 3 times sex this year. Dont worry too much about your girlfriend saying that you shouldnt talk to her anymore. If you are tired or stressed I cant do sex. Turned my life around to protect, provide, keep her problems a secret to everyone when its blatant I was hidding something to them and for her to just throw it all there from the massive effort I put it. I dont know if that is the case with you too. I hope my thoughts are helpful in any way, She says its her medication but shes been on it since the age of 15 and shes 45 now, Im 42 I knew I had a little depression here and there and a bit of self destructive I dont want to go to work kinda lazy crap going on. That left me with a perspective of loosing someone I really love and also left space for me to think about it in safe environment. Im talking about Yeshua, the son of the God of Israel. Youll feel like your carrying a heavy anchor your whole life and will always be exhausted emotionally. Relationships are supposed to be about equality. Ive never been so stressed and sad and angry my whole life. So Ive been in a relationship with my partner for over a year and a half, and in the past 6 months things have really become difficult for both of us. All efforts made on my part were in vain. That takes incredible patience and compassion, but it can also take a toll on you. Therapy and meds nothing will work. On my side my family is going through a very rough time and were worried about losing our home, Im going through a quarter-life crises where I dont know what I studied is the right thing for me, Im also really worried about my future because I dont know where Im heading in life. Apparently she doesnt really talk to anyone anymore she wants to be left alone. 3. This could mean adding individual and/or group therapy to her treatment regimen, trying a new therapeutic approach, or making a change to her medication. I cant stay wit her anymore. So he . I hope you will take another one and find some support for yourself. They take all the goodness from you and leave you with nothing but sadness and depression. she is unhappy with dating. Hey, lately iv been feeling more and more distant from my gf. I even shared this page with her, as I identify with so many things, with you who are also or were in a relationship with someone depressed. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. You will only drag yourself down in the end. I feel like she is using me even though I take care of her. I was two years out watching movie series to help me distract while I forced myself to eat. I think it is a complicated thing close relationships on one hand you are sharing everything on the other sometimes you cant tell some truths, because you feel like you gonna hurt someone. There is this main problem with communication between boys and girls we think a little bit differently and act too. Because of my own childhood, and my moms depression as a kid, I reflexively push her away when she gets very depressed, and have trouble acknowledging what shes going through. Those are the moments you should be focusing on, that is the person that youre in a relationship with. Wow.. so many people with so many similar issues and I thought I was the only one! Stress can cause all sorts of problems. You are NOT responsible for the thoughts, feelings, or behaviors or others. I completely changed from confident cheeky fit guy to someones whose fat, very low self esteem and broken. But she wouldnt want to talk some nights. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. SO IF YOU HANG AROUND PEOPLE LIKE THIS YOU WILL TAKE ON THEIR THINKING AND HABITS MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT. You may also try this, what my boyfriend did: he said he is leaving me cause it is too hard for him, he left me for two painful days, then he told me that he will be back, but in some time. You sound like a great boyfriend supporting her an everything.But where us your relationship right now?I mean,have you become just a caretaker for her,a shoulder to cry on?Or have you guys maintained your relationship to a good enough level so far?This is very important because what happens once she gets over her depression depends a lot on this.If she only sees you like a caretaker,there isnt much of a role for you to play when she does conquer her depression!Please reflect on this and sort things out.I know how it feels to stand by someone and then be abandoned by that same person.I would hate for that to happen to anybody else,especially to someone who has been as supportive as youve been! His moods got worse, we have to do whatever he wants to do, I am too scared to loose him but Ive already lost myself, I dont recognise myself anymore I was once this girl who didnt need anyone, kept everything to herself, let medication deal with my emotions now I sit and cry myself to sleep and feel so hopeless. If so, it could be that your relationship is wearing you out. Its your natural born right to be happy! I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. I feel like iv become more of a tool for relief then her boyfriend, i feel as if she doesnt actually care for me but all she wants is me to make her happy. Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. It sounds like you have been a tremendous source of love, strength, and support for your girlfriend in her battle with depression. 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